I am now a week gone from my home. Carla is in Houston in rehab and here I am in Wimberley. The following song means a lot to me. Listen to it carefully and follow along with the lyrics.
God is starting to deal with me and I am starting to feel his presence. It comes on slowly but as the song says, "Something calls to me". I was beginning to understand that I did have a problem with alcohol. There is a tendency to compare yourself with other alcoholics and addicts. I found myself wanting to say, I am not that bad. The real truth is that addiction is addiction. It really doesn't come in degrees. I know some will argue that point with me but that is what makes this disease so baffling. It can make you understand almost anything. I talk to my daughter and tell her I am thinking about staying the whole 30 days and not just the two weeks that she and I had agreed on. Turmoil is just around the corner for me and thankfully I had a relationship with God to help me through it. Wednesday night, I find God in the strangest of places.
As they say, "It happens."
Showing posts with label addiction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label addiction. Show all posts
Monday, February 28, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
More about Jared
Before I start telling my story, I want to tell you more about Jared. He was just one of 7 young men, late
teens and 20's that were very angry about life. Several of them had been in rehab numerous times. They were living very unhappy lives. Most of these young men grew up in single parent homes. The dad was generally gone. Many of these young boys rightly or wrongly blame their dads for their problems. To compensate for their anger and fear they had to give off the aura of a bad ass.
Well, us old guys saw right through that and called these young men on it. All of them, I mean all of them were really nice people when you got through the personality that they were trying to project.
Jared was different though. The other young guys saw right through Jared. Jared was an immature young man that was lost. I really felt sorry for him at times and at other times I felt like kicking his ass. Jared really hadn't done much since high school. He thought that he was going to enter the University of Texas or Texas State University this fall. He was excited about it.
Like I said earlier, he came to rehab straight from the Dr. Oz show. He arrived with much fanfare. At first he thought that he didn't have to obey the rules that everyone else did. After all the owner of the rehab and the director of the rehab were there with him a lot.
Reality soon set in and he had to do his chores like everyone else. Reality was rough on him. They aired the Dr. Oz segment with him while he and I were still in rehab. The rehab facility would not allow the patients to see the show. They did allow Jared to see it.
He came to me after viewing the segment and he was sick. You see he had an intervention on national television. He said that he looked stupid and out of it. Not quite the glamor that he had envisioned.
It really became difficult for him after that. He didn't want anyone outside to know that he was the guy in the Dr. Oz show. He was ashamed of how he acted on air in front of a national television audience.
I "graduated" from rehab about a week before Jared "graduated". We exchanged phone numbers and he promised to call me when he got out. I tried several times to call, but the number he gave me was changed.
I didn't know it at the time, but I got a good phone number for Jared the day that he died. I called the number and all I got was his voice mail.
I will go into this more later, but all of these young men had a problem with God or their Higher Power. They just didn't believe and it made it all that more hard for them.
While I was in rehab, another young man, Chance, died from an overdose. He had "graduated" from rehab 2 weeks before I got there. They said he was a star in group therapy and knew what to do.
I called my sponsor and told him about Jared. He said that another young man, Scott, has just died.
That's 3 lives in less than 60 days. Alcohol and addictions KILL. Lives are lost to car wrecks involving drugs and alcohol. People die from overdoses. Those just our of rehab are really some of the most likely to die. They had gotten clean and their systems no longer had any drugs in them. They get out and decide to shoot up with the same amount that they had been doing prior to rehab. It kills them.
You know these are lives wasted. They were just as many young women in rehab too. We are talking about a disease of the mind. Some just never get it.
Jared was a special young man. Very smart and likable. RIP now Jared.
Mike Carlson
I wanted to include this you tube video, The Pusher. Please don't listen if it offends you. All I can say if there is someone that God should damn, that would be The Pusher.
teens and 20's that were very angry about life. Several of them had been in rehab numerous times. They were living very unhappy lives. Most of these young men grew up in single parent homes. The dad was generally gone. Many of these young boys rightly or wrongly blame their dads for their problems. To compensate for their anger and fear they had to give off the aura of a bad ass.
Well, us old guys saw right through that and called these young men on it. All of them, I mean all of them were really nice people when you got through the personality that they were trying to project.
Jared was different though. The other young guys saw right through Jared. Jared was an immature young man that was lost. I really felt sorry for him at times and at other times I felt like kicking his ass. Jared really hadn't done much since high school. He thought that he was going to enter the University of Texas or Texas State University this fall. He was excited about it.
Like I said earlier, he came to rehab straight from the Dr. Oz show. He arrived with much fanfare. At first he thought that he didn't have to obey the rules that everyone else did. After all the owner of the rehab and the director of the rehab were there with him a lot.
Reality soon set in and he had to do his chores like everyone else. Reality was rough on him. They aired the Dr. Oz segment with him while he and I were still in rehab. The rehab facility would not allow the patients to see the show. They did allow Jared to see it.
He came to me after viewing the segment and he was sick. You see he had an intervention on national television. He said that he looked stupid and out of it. Not quite the glamor that he had envisioned.
It really became difficult for him after that. He didn't want anyone outside to know that he was the guy in the Dr. Oz show. He was ashamed of how he acted on air in front of a national television audience.
I "graduated" from rehab about a week before Jared "graduated". We exchanged phone numbers and he promised to call me when he got out. I tried several times to call, but the number he gave me was changed.
I didn't know it at the time, but I got a good phone number for Jared the day that he died. I called the number and all I got was his voice mail.
I will go into this more later, but all of these young men had a problem with God or their Higher Power. They just didn't believe and it made it all that more hard for them.
While I was in rehab, another young man, Chance, died from an overdose. He had "graduated" from rehab 2 weeks before I got there. They said he was a star in group therapy and knew what to do.
I called my sponsor and told him about Jared. He said that another young man, Scott, has just died.
That's 3 lives in less than 60 days. Alcohol and addictions KILL. Lives are lost to car wrecks involving drugs and alcohol. People die from overdoses. Those just our of rehab are really some of the most likely to die. They had gotten clean and their systems no longer had any drugs in them. They get out and decide to shoot up with the same amount that they had been doing prior to rehab. It kills them.
You know these are lives wasted. They were just as many young women in rehab too. We are talking about a disease of the mind. Some just never get it.
Jared was a special young man. Very smart and likable. RIP now Jared.
Mike Carlson
I wanted to include this you tube video, The Pusher. Please don't listen if it offends you. All I can say if there is someone that God should damn, that would be The Pusher.
Why Jared's Story
I started a spiritual journey a little over 90 days ago. I had an intervention and wound up in rehab for alcohol. Wow, I said it for the world to see. But you may want to know why I am calling this Jared's story.
About a week into rehab, Jared showed up. He had left the Dr. Oz show the day before and then sent from New York to Wimberley, Texas for rehab. You see, Jared was a heroin addict. He was 20 years old. Great looking kid. Came into rehab a little bit cocky because he had been on national television the day before. Jared would soon learn that he was with a bunch of alcoholics and addicts and television fame didn't mean anything to them.
I was in a cabin with two other guys and we were the oldest guys there. Jared started to hang around us. We spent hours just sitting around and talking. Jared was an angry young man. He came from a upper middle class family, but he was angry. I would suppose that Jared might be bi-polar, because some days he was on top of the world and some days he was angry and mad at the world.
We grew very fond of this young man. We thought that he had a chance to make it. Last week, Jared died of an overdose. Alcohol and addiction to drugs, legal and illegal, kills. I named this blog, Jared's story so that I never forget that or forget Jared.
So here I am on this spiritual journey and I believe that God wants me to share it with you. I want you to understand not to feel sorry for me, as I have found God again. I really don't know where this journey is going to take me, it's just important that I take this step. All I can say for sure, to take life one day at a time and try to stay in constant contact with God. Your welcome to take this journey with me and to comment along the way.
Mike Carlson
About a week into rehab, Jared showed up. He had left the Dr. Oz show the day before and then sent from New York to Wimberley, Texas for rehab. You see, Jared was a heroin addict. He was 20 years old. Great looking kid. Came into rehab a little bit cocky because he had been on national television the day before. Jared would soon learn that he was with a bunch of alcoholics and addicts and television fame didn't mean anything to them.
I was in a cabin with two other guys and we were the oldest guys there. Jared started to hang around us. We spent hours just sitting around and talking. Jared was an angry young man. He came from a upper middle class family, but he was angry. I would suppose that Jared might be bi-polar, because some days he was on top of the world and some days he was angry and mad at the world.
We grew very fond of this young man. We thought that he had a chance to make it. Last week, Jared died of an overdose. Alcohol and addiction to drugs, legal and illegal, kills. I named this blog, Jared's story so that I never forget that or forget Jared.
So here I am on this spiritual journey and I believe that God wants me to share it with you. I want you to understand not to feel sorry for me, as I have found God again. I really don't know where this journey is going to take me, it's just important that I take this step. All I can say for sure, to take life one day at a time and try to stay in constant contact with God. Your welcome to take this journey with me and to comment along the way.
Mike Carlson
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